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Serving a Life Sentence With Conviction


Depression and anxiety are frightening life sentences that many of us live with. The only thing I find more frightening is fighting this battle while trying to raise two young girls. I want them to be confident, fearless, take advantage of every opportunity afforded to them. I want them to be strong and comfortable in their own skin and believe they can do anything and be anything they set their mind to. I just worry often that I am not a model of what I’m encouraging them to be. Their newfound smiles though, that beam bright like Tucson’s morning sunshine, is more than enough to keep going. 

Mental Illness in all forms is unapparent to the human eye and inappreciable to the human mind , freely able to condemn as erratic and attention-seeking behavior….

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I could spend a great deal of time naming off all my failures, mistakes and this almost somewhat innate inability to not follow through with these grand schemes that bounce around in my head, fueling me for hours planning and pouring over details.. yet none ever come together. The energized and unstoppable feeling that came over me yet so quickly is nowhere to be found. From one unfinished project to the next, it is a pattern that I am not proud of but switching gears and speaking from an advocate’s conclusion, I do believe there is a strong correlation with Mental Health patients and these behaviors. 

I’m grateful to be in such a better place mentally and physically than I was six months ago. However; it is still a struggle and often times terrifying because there is so much uncertainty. A good day is waking up without feeling any resistance or rather this invisible force feeling as though a blanket filled with weights is on top of me, not allowing me to get up and perform the most simplest of tasks. And if I can push through and accomplish some tasks listed, such as a load of laundry, mailing out a letter, getting in the shower, what most people are able to achieve effortlessly, the exhaustion I now have would allow me to sleep two days straight. That will not happen though as there are children to be cared for, but wishful thinking 🤔 

For those of us who are blessed to have loving family, we brace ourselves whenever there is a surge in our mood or temperament. It is entirely human to become excited or angry at times navigating through this journey called life. As human as those emotions may be, I’m compelled to contain them, along with any influx in my normal tone or I’ll be reminded of how loved I am! “Have you been taking your medications “? The beloved question that results in reclusiveness almost immediately. Why am I not allowed just to be human, imperfect and unapologetic? 

Actually, I proclaim I am ALL the above. I and those close to me know I am kind, caring and loyal almost to a fault. I am a giver, with absolutely no expectations. The old cliche that “misery loves company” couldn’t be any further from the truth. I find so much happiness in watching and helping others reach their full potential. 

So please do me a favor today and tell someone that you know or believe to be in deep pain that even though you cannot relate, you sincerely care. For my fellow warriors, continue fighting and hoping for a better tomorrow. At the very least, know that I CARE and understand how you feel. You are NOT alone and I sincerely appreciate and value the time you’ve taken to support this blog by viewing. 

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About Me

A NY native now residing in AZ, Alyson was diagnosed over 20 years ago with Depression & Anxiety. Through her passion for writing, she’s now sharing her personal stories and struggles with Mental Illness while parenting, working and relationships.
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